I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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