we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
