3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
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