I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
