She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
