Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Randomize
