12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
