Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
