i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
