I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize