i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
