Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize