haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
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