News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
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