Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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