Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
