I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
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