Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
