she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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