If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Randomize
