how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
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