i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
