I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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