So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
