Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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