And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
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