I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize