I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
two words...techno handjob
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
