i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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