So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
