Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
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