last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
