my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
