I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize