She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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