Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
