Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
