ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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