All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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