And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
