Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
