why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
