That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
