His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
