So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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