yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Randomize
