I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Only a mothe r could love this liver
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
