Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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