Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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