Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
