remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
