I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
