I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Randomize
