i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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