I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
