okay pat passed out under dana's car
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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