i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
You ruined the universe
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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