he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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