He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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