It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
