Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
