Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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