ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
