i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
