does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Randomize
