But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
