she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
