hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
