i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
