he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
