I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
