matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You are a genius and a whore.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
