woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
