She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
