I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
