Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
