Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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