Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
