Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
